a prayer for chronic illness

Holy Ones, lend me your wisdom --
I'm sick and I'm  struggling becuase 
there's no end in sight.

Guard me against eugenics and gross negligence
and  all the evils rooted in the industry
that preserves profit over healing.

Guide me to thoughtful, thorough physicians
made bright by compassion and competence;
to clean, well-staffed facilities free from fatigue.

Holy Ones, 
Help me find comfort in the crackling plastic of my hospital bed;
Help me find my courage to endure the treatment, wherever it has fled.

magical courage

A friend of mine asked me about spells they can do when spoons are low to give themself strength and courage today and I feel a little weird about that. Not because they asked but because they were specifically asking about magic they could perform.

A Little Inspiration

Autism is a dynamic disability, one of three that I have (endometriosis, arthritis). A dynamic disability is one with symptom severity that changes– sometimes with triggers and sometimes without. As a result, I really struggle to relate to my body as anything other than a prison.

Michaela Macha’s “Prayer to Frey, God of the Body”, is an excellent piece that I keep returning to when I’m struggling with my embodiment:

Frey, God of the body as well as of the soul,
teach me to become better friends with my body.
Often, I ignore it, or do not fulfill its needs properly.
Sometimes, I am angry at it for hampering me.

Then I forget that without a body, I would not be here at all.

I would not have breath to say this prayer to you.

I would not be able to enjoy food, or drink,

and all the other gifts of the earth that my senses enjoy.

You provide me everything my body needs to survive,

and with more good things that make life worth living.

Remind me to take as good care of my body as of my spirit,

each in its own measure and according to its needs.

You can find more of Michaela Macha’s work here.

Contemplative Living Series: Hestia’s Rule – Simplicity of possessions

Affiliate Advertising disclaimer The full list of the twelve rules of the Order of the Horae may be found here.  I love Hestia and my home does …

Contemplative Living Series: Hestia’s Rule – Simplicity of possessions

A deeper take on Hestia’s Rule that is very much worth reading.

Masking Faith

As a personal rule, I tend to advertise my autism wherever I go. This is because I tend to mask heavily and in such a way that neurotypicals miss my autism, to my detriment. I’ve touched on this topic before in the context of faith, but I think a little more depth is owed to it. I don’t see much about masking in polytheist writing so I figure that my sharing of my thoughts will only help build on what already exists in places I’ve not yet found.

You’ll find a lot of the same general information on masking and autism that I refer to throughout this post in Dr. Devon Price’s Unmasking Autism. That book is an excellent resource for any person who is neurodivergent or knows someone who is neurodivergent; please read a copy from your local library if you cannot buy one to read.

_{Please note: while I’m talking about my experiences of masking as an autistic person, the masking phenomenon is also described by folks with other disabilities like ADHD, Schizophrenia, Traumatic Brain Injuries, and personality disorders. Please don’t assume that I speak for every autistic, let alone all of these folks, too.}

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The Arcadian Wild – The Anthem of Mr. Dark

This is one of those songs from my faith playlists as it’s about one of my biggest lessons: setting boundaries and seeking authenticity.

Some Books

I promised to give my hot takes on a handful of books, and I’m going to deliver, albeit in short form because I’ve got other things I’d prefer to be doing. Below the cut, my thoughts on: Consorting with Spirits by Jason Miller, Calling to Our Ancestors by Sarenth Odinsson, Heart on Fire by Galina Krasskova, and The Love of Destiny by Dan McCoy

knowledge, with added aphasia

I don’t know how to say what I want to say today because aphasia is just that way sometimes… so I’ll just say it: I don’t think we’re entitled to know everything.

Florence + the Machine – All This and Heaven, Too

surrender

I have an embarrassing number of blog post drafts like this one: titled with a verb or adjective and some statement of intent about unpacking the term in the context of my religious beliefs and practices. I’m sure it says something about me that I start and never finish so many posts beyond “the recluse experiences serious executive dysfunction” … but I don’t feel like introspecting to figure out what that might be.

Anyway, I’ve seen folks talk about experiencing surrender– to the gods, usually– as being a state of taking on all the work (and “Work”) that comes their way without hesitation. I don’t experience this virtue in that same way, so I want to talk a bit about what surrender means for me and what the practice of it looks like in my daily life, particularly from a disability perspective. I talk about runes a little bit in this post but please know that I am not a professional or someone especially skilled with Them– I’m just drawing on knowledge I’ve amassed over the years reading others’ works.

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